The Nearest Heaven

dear you my beloved heaven on earth,

I want to say something for you that I can't say until now, maybe you know it and don't need me to say live to you. But I want to say it to you if we meet when I come. You're my heaven on earth, I will say a thousand thankyou for being beside me in every situation. Because of you I can be like me now. Even I have so many minus things.

Thankyou for being you in every situation that happened in my life, you are the biggest reason if I take a decision. you're very affected on me. I always can trust you, you will not lie to me like other people did. You will not leave me and stay away just because I did a mistake. You will show the right way. In this part, you will stay on my side even the thing getting worst or not. Thankyou

I'm sorry for making you worry about what I did, late for eating or just can't take care of my self. But you don't tired to remind me. Of course you will not! and you will get angry if I do it more, sorry.. but I know what I do and my ability.

you're my heaven on earth, beside you I always feel save, lovable and kinda like a child always. To be always on your side I wish I could make you proud for having me. I miss you terribly. I want too meet you and tell every single thankness for you. I'm proud to be one part of your life.

Mom, I love you. You're the best mom ever for me, you like a hero and the best insppiration for me. very lucky to be your daughter. I love you, Mom. More than you know :')

Aku ingin bahagia, dan aku berhak untuk bahagia. TANPAMU.

Apa itu ?

aku ingin semua terlihat sempurna, tiada cela. tapi aku tak pernah tahu sempurna itu seperti apa. dan ketika aku tahu kesempurnaan itu terdiri dari perbedaan yang disatukan. tapi apakah ada kata sempurna di dua paham yang berbeda ?

hey Mom !

Hey MOM !
I'm kinda miss you so
wanna talking to you a lot about teenagers here
haha , yes how they treat me here
they talking about me , in a bad side of course
you know I didn't mean to do that right ?
you're a good listeners mom
so, you will listen my story carefully until the end
you will listen my explanation, will you?

that you ! how about they ?
I don't hate them
I just didn't like how they tell something happen
they just look the caver and the stories from one person
hey , wait ! they don't ask me mom
how can they do that !

I miss you so , I wanna meet you
I want you to hug me and make my feel calm
I forget to text you
I wanna go home
but I know , it just a silly thing
run from a problem
you never teach me to do that

Mom, you're my everything
you can be my friend , my mom , my good listener
you are a special person
I LOVE YOU MOM

sincerely me
your daughter

Nothing Last Forever

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

P E R B E D A A N

Tuhan, mengapa Engkau menciptakan kami berbeda jika kebersamaan sungguh membahagiakan ? ketika aku mengucapkan syukur dengan kata Bismillah , Kau membuatnya mengucapkan Puji Tuhan. Kenapa Kau menciptakan kata yang berbeda ketika semua yang dimaksud adalah mengucapkan syukur atas apa yang Engaku berikan. Aku menghadapmu 5x dalam sehari dan menengadahkan tanganku ke atas ketika dia hanya bertemu dengan-Mu di sebuah tempat hanya sekali setiap minggu dengan menangkupkan tangannya. Dan itu semua juga dilakukan dengan tujuan yang sama, mengadu pada Yang Kuasa dan berterimakasih atas apa yang Engkau berikan.

Tuhan, apakah Engkau masih mendengar doaku ketika semua cara kami mengadu pada-Mu sedikit berbeda?Apakah Engkau akan menyampaikan padanya yang telah ada disisi-Mu bahwa disini aku masih senantiasa memanjatkan ribuan doa untuknya? Apakah dia akan menerima doaku dalam lantunan ayat-ayat suci? bisakah dia mengerti akan doa dalam bahasa yang sangat berbeda dengan lantunan syair doa yang dia nyanyikan? masih pertanyaan yang sama, mengapa Engkau ciptakan kami berbeda jika tujuannya sama?

Tuhan, tidak bolehkah kami tetap bersama-sama karena hanya dengan sebuah perbedaan yang sebenarnya bisa diselesaikan dengan mudahnya? Tidkkah boleh manusia bahagia diatas perbedaan itu? banyak yang menderita karena perbedaan itu, merelakan perasaan mereka dan berpisah karena dasar yang berbeda. tapi, tidak sedikit pula dari mereka yang bahagia karena bisa menerima perbedaan itu. Aku menerima ketika dia yang ada disisi-Mu berbeda denganku.

Tuhan, aku telah menerima perbedaan itu dari pertama kali aku mengenalnya, 8 tahun yang lalu. Ketika dia mengingatkan ku untuk tidak lupa mengadu pada-Mu setiap kali terdengar suara memanggil dari rumah Tuhan-ku, ketika dia merelakan untuk tidak makan sesuap nasi atau meneguk air untuk menemaniku melaksanakan ibadah di bulan suci-Mu, ketika itu juga aku tahu bahwa perbedaan itu bisa kami atasi. dan Ketika aku tahu perbedaan lain yang harus aku terima dalah perbedaan yang lebih dari ini semua. Perbedaan ketika Kau terlalu menyayanginya dan menyuruhnya untuk kembali berada disisi-Mu. Seketika aku tau bahwa ini adalah perbedaan yang sesungguhnya. Perbedaan yang tak akan pernah ada solusi untuk mengatasinya.

Tuhan, kini dia telah berada di dimensi ruang dan waktu yang berbeda denganku. Aku tak akan pernah bisa lagi menyentuhnya. Munkin Kau masih sesekali memperbolehkannya menemuiku ketika aku memang benar-benar membutuhkannya. Terimakasih Tuhan kau telah memberikan perbedaan itu padaku :)

Dari Seorang Teman

Aku masih merasakan udara yang sama. Masih berdiam ditempat yang sama. Tapi yang kurasakan tak lagi sama, kesunyiaan ini bernama tanpamu.” Sebenarnya, aku tidak pernah ingin semuanya berakhir. Saat semua terancang dengan hebat dan sempurna, saat perhatian-perhatian kecil itu menjelma menjadi candu rindu yang menancapkan getar-getar bahagia. Tapi, bukankah prediksi manusia selalu terbatas? Aku tidak bisa terus menahan dan mengubah sesuatu yang mungkin memang harus terjadi. Perpisahan itu harus terjadi untuk pertemuan awal yang pasti akan memunculkan perasaan bahagia itu lagi. Tidak dipungkiri dan aku tak harus menyangkal diri, bahwa selama rentan waktu tanpamu, aku merasa ada sesuatu yang hilang. Ketika pagi, kamu menyapaku dengan lembutnya. Saat siang, kamu sekedar mengingatkan untuk tidak terlambat makan. Saat sore, kamu menyapaku lagi, bercerita tentang hari-harimu, lelahmu dan bahagiamu pada hari itu. Saat malam, kamu menjerat pikiranku untuk berfokus pada suaramu yang mengalun lembut melewati lempengan-lempengan dingin handphoneku. Dan aku rindu, rindu semua hal yang bisa kita lalui hingga terasa waktu terlalu cepat berlalu saat kita melaluinya bersama. Dan, akhirnya perpisahan itu tiba. Sesuatu yang selalu kita benci kedatangannya tapi harus selalu kita lewati tanpa kita tahu kapan itu akan terjadi. Dengan segala ketidaksiapan yang menggerogotiku, aku tetap harus melepaskanmu. Kau temukan jalanmu, aku temukan jalanku. Kita bahagia dalam jalan kita masing-masing. Kamu berpegang pada prinsipmu, aku berpegang pada perasaanku. Kita berbeda dan memang tak harus berjalan beriringan. Semua berjalan dengan cepat. Sapa manjamu, tawa renyahmu, cerita lugumu, dan segala hal yang membuat otakku penuh karenamu. Dan, aku harus membuang dan menghapus itu semua dari memori otakku agar kamu tak lagi mengendap-endap masuk ke dalam hatiku, lalu membuat kenangan itu menjadi nyata dan kembali menjadi realita. Mari mengikhlaskan, setelah ini akan ada pertemuan yang lebih menggetarkan hatimu dan hatiku, akan ada seseorang yang masuk ke dalam hidupmu dan hidupku, dia akan menjadi alasan terbesar saat doa terucap lalu aku dan kamu menyisipkan namanya. Selamat menemukan jalanmu. Percayalah, bahwa perpisahan ini untuk membaikan hidupmu dan hidupku, bahwa setelah perpisahan ini akan ada rasa bahagia bertubi-tubi yang mengecupmu dengan seringnya. Percayalah bahwa pertemuan kita tidak sia-sia. Aku banyak belajar darimu dan aku berharap kau juga mengambil pelajaran dari pertemuan singkat ini. Semua butuh proses dan waktu saat kamu harus kehilangan sesuatu yang terbiasa kau rasakan. Baik-baik ya

- via Benny (a copy story)

unspoken thing

that has been a couple months , I want to meet you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE

Hey you, Happy Birthday. Sorry for not being on your side now. But, I'll always pray the best for you. Love ya LUCKY PRIMADANA :)

I'm

I'm thin and blessed by a gooddamn boy

Jogja to forget about ~

you can ask me the reason I went to Jogja more soon than my plan , people . yeah , surely I can say that Iwant forget about Malang even I miss it so much . I want forget about person who can makes me happy , in a fake ! I want release this feelings . "dengan semua ke-aku-anku aku melepasmu, bismillah" I have been one week here , want make my own schedule busy until I cann't thinking about him . much talking with my friend , he said that I can forget him , release him but I need more time . much time , maybe . the problem is just TIME !

I know you want release from me . and surely I say that I want release this feeling to you . I want release you too . so , it's fair if I release you and you release me from your life . isn't it ? you can open your heart to the other one and I will happy with my life here without thinking about you anymore :)

I want happ , for a real . you bring the happiness for me in a fake . you want me happy but you didn't happy beside me . how cruel I am ? I want you happy , and me too even we aren't together anymore . like you said . yes I can , it's my roght to be happy without you .

so , goodbye . I will realease you steb by step . I know it's hard for me .maybe went to Jogja like this could help me to make it easier . and I have lot of friend who can help me to not thinking about you anymore . you know I will always love you , love . I just saving you deep in my heart and closing it with other :)

THAT'S FOR REAL !

that's the real one . thank you for made me aware with this situation . finally I know what to do .

reply this with a silent

SOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRYYYYYY !

I didn't know what to do with this chat on YM . I wrote nothing -,- just looked my laptop screen and watched he sent many messages , and finally I off YM without replied it . I want say sorry to you , I don't want make a mistake again . you want meet me and I want meet you , as a friend of course .

cigarette

apa definisi rokok itu ? selinting tembakau yang dibungkus oleh kertas dan sidumbat oleh gabus dan dibakar kemudian dihisap , apakah begitu ? atau hanya , selinting uang yang ditukarkan dengan tembakau dan akhirnya di uamh itu dibakar menghasilkan asap . definisi rokok menurutku ada pada definisi kedua . ya , itu uang mu yang kau bakar dan hisap dan akhirnya menjadi kepulan asap yang mengganggu orang lain .

apa keuntungan merokok ? ada yang bisa menjelaskan padaku apa saja keuntungannya ? yakinkan aku kalau merokok itu lebih banyak untungnya daripada ruginya . sejauh yang aku tau , aku hanya sering mendengarkan terdapat banyak kerugian setelah orang menjadi pecandu rokok . maaf , mungkin pabrik2 rokok banyak disini sehingga banyak pula orang yang bekerja disana , tapi singkirkan sebentar kenyataan itu . sekarang lebih banyak orang yang beruntung atau orang yang menderita karena rokok ? sekarang pikirkan , kalian akan terkena dampak dari merokok itu , cepat atau lambat . tidak pernahkah kalian berpikir kalian juga membahayakan orang terkena dampak dari rokok kalian , hei sang perokok ? aku tahu kalian pasti tau apa dampak dari merokok dan juga dampak dari perokok pasif . ya , LEBIH BAHAYA MENJADI PEROKOK PASIF DARIPADA PEROKOK ITU SENDIRI . mengertikah kalian bahwa menurut saya merokok itu sangat , SANGAT EGOIS ? perokok tidak pernah berpikir panjang . hanya mau enaknya saja , sorry , that's what I feel .

lalu , darimanakah uang yang kalian dapatkan untuk membeli rokok . uang kalian sendiri ? hai kalian para pelajar , sudah bisakah kalian membeli sebatang rokok dengan uang hasil peluh kalian sendiri ? taukah kalian kalian telah membakar uang yang dihasilkan oleh orang tua kalian dengan membanting tulang ? berpikirlah !

aku memang tidak suka seorang perokok , bukan berarti aku akan menjauhi mereka . aku tidak melarang , tapi hanya mengingatkan . ya , sekali lagi aku memang tidak suka. banyak teman disekitarku adalah pecandu rokok . setiap hari mereka menghabiskan beberapa batang atau mungkin beberapa bungkus rokok . untuk apa semua itu ? untuk BERGAYA kah ? mengikuti trend ? untuk dihargai dan disegani teman karena kalian adalah seorang perokok ? KAMPUNGAN ! kalian hanya akan mempersingkat hidup , hanya akan merusak tubuh , hanya akan membuat orang lain sakit , hanya akan membuat orang lain dan kalian sendiri mengeluh . PIKIRKAN !

aku ingin teman2ku sadar kalau merokok itu todak baik , buat apa merokok ? pikirkan itu lagi . aku hanya ingin orang2 yang aku sayangi sehat , tidak membuang2 uang hanya untuk membeli se-pak barang TIDAK PENTING yang hanya akan merusak tubuh sendiri dn orang lain . meskipun terkadang kalian hanya minta kepada teman .

mungkin banyak yang tidak setuju atau marah membaca tulisan ini , tapi maaf , saya hanya ingin menyampaikan apa yang saya rasakan saat ini . kemuakan saya akan orang2 yang saya sayangi karena mereka mulai mencoba rokok . lebih baik jangan , say mohon ~

conversation with my teacher

when I turn on my facebook chat , I found one of my teachers on line. one off my crazy teacher who like to teased me . everyday he teases me when we met . sometimes it very funny but sometimes it got annoyed , huh -,-

you can read today I teased him back , it's very funny . I laught out loud . that's the picture of my conversation . if you understand Java language , maybe you understand what I talking about . I asked why he didn't have any plan to go out , it was Saturday Night . time to get happy , come out with your friend aour have a date with your GF or BF . but he said he couldn't walk and I asked him to "NGESOT" haha . sorry sir , I'm very impolite :p

h - 2 final exam

#prayforSisca everyone , I got sick :( my body got warm , and I felt so unconfortable with my body . breathing with the only one side of my nose . ugh , it's so bother me now . I have final examination for my Senior High School on monday , and I'm sure if my "hatchi-hatchi" don't come good I cann't concentrate with my test .

please #prayforSisca . I want be health next monday .

Hilo Green Reporter !

hello readers , thanks for always visiting my blog . would you like to help me ? please look at this my friends video . they following a competition that name is Hilo Green Reporter . vote this video if you like . and thanks for watching it . you're one click to this video are very mean for my friends . enjoy the video :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrTIiwYLblU

this is the first video .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuBDlF42B4E

and this is the second .

I missing something (!)

sometimes you cann't avoid one thing that make you happy , make you in love or make you disappointed , or make you missing to someone who adore . but , do you know that I missing something that make me "miss you" ? I don't know why I can past it . but clearly I say that time help me to missing someone that I adore . people who don't know me very well maybe say that I cruel or something, or maybe they ask me "are you kidding that you didn't miss someone that you adore ? you didn't love him !" no , no . I adore him , and I love him . much . but he ask me to forget this feeling and woppie , I can past one important thing . just need time for it . don't judge me I wouldn't hold on with my feeling for him , I just to too tired . maybe I JUST STOP SHOWING , people :)

he still would be a part of life and love my story , exactly . no one can replace him , no one can be like him . and no one can be him ! he's one , always the one . thanks for the everything you gave to me . and never hurt me , it just this feeling that me feel hurt . just remember , someday I will miss you and you will miss me . but now , I don't want miss you . I still have the same feeling like yesterday by the way . I just learn how I can life with my own self without bother you .

would you tell me do I wrong or false in this part ? maybe you will happy reading this post . you will say that I take a right way to forgetting you .. I know you have someone you like . and you don't want me to bother you . so I let you free , I don't want this feeling guiding you . but , if you have a same feeling don't be so shy to talk to me that you have it and miss me . you know where I'm . and maybe I still have this feeling you , save it for you :) don't be afraid to express something in your heart , if you afraid you must ready to hurt , disappointed and maybe you don't have anything . I always struggle to guide my feeling for you , even I stop showing it just ask me to knowing the truth .

I can't lie yo everyone that I overprotective to you , and now you can compare that I'm not overprotect anymore . you free now . I'm sorry for everything that I did in the past . you will happy without me , and I will happy without you . maybe I will more happy if I can in your side until ? ah , it's a big imagine . we don't know what will happen in tomorrow , people just can predic it . so , just let it flow .

good night love , see you when I feel missing you . sleep tight and have a blessed dream . Love ya :)

That's a sweet memories

thanks god for give a chance to met they

a very happy second family I have

what a sweet memori !

it's your right , but don't do that now :(

I know everybody has a right to in love with someone .

I don't have any might to ban that .

yeah , I know that . but , no one can't change what I feel too !

I let you go , step by step , throw this feeling to you to a kingdom far-far away even it can .

and maybe you have a *click to your sister in school like I said before .

it make me jelous but CERTAINLY I cann't ban you of course !

it's you right like I said before , but please .

don't show that you're interest to her in front of me now, 3 times you show her to me this day

it's make me jelous :(

and it show that you start to like her , she interested for you maybe .

but sorry , to say . I know I egoist to you , and I don't mean to do that to you .

do what you wanna do and like her if you have a feeling to her . I cann't ban . do that bee :(

urrrrrrrrrrgh , I don't know what to say .

I don't know again ! It's your right , maybe just do ..

don't think abot me , really ~

who is she ? maybe you know her , yes . her name was B***A

silent didn't mean don't know anything ~

maybe somebody choice to hidden what feel even a part of it can be said with some pressure. I know you don't want to tell me about everything you feel , dear . and if you know , I also hidden somethings that I can tell you too . is it fair ? yes of course , cause everybody has a privacy right ?

but , even I silent but didn't mean I don't know everything that you did. and , may I jelous to you ? I feel that you're started to like you sister in school . yeah , she is at first level of high school on your Senior High . maybe I'm wrong but it just that I feel . I know you sent a messages to her , asked for a pray and apologized about something (maybe you didn't) even you don't know her you said that it's not "afdol" if you didn't sent that message EKSLUSIVE ..

yes , dear . I'm jelous to her . thanks !

samsons - luluh

Samsons ~ luluh

saat terindah saat bersamamu
begitu lelapnya aku pun terbuai
sebenarnya aku tlah berharap
ku kan memiliki dirimu selamanya

segenap hatiku luluh lantak
mengiringi dukaku yang kehilangan dirimu
sungguh ku tak mampu
tuk meredam kepedihan hatiku
untuk merelakan kepergianmu

ingin kuyakini cinta ta kan berakhir
namun takdir menuliskan kita harus berakhir

segenap hatiku luluh lantak
mengiringi dukaku yang kehilangan dirimu
sungguh ku tak mampu tuk meredam kepedihan hatiku
untuk merelakan kepergianmu

ku tak sanggup merelakanmu..
segenap hatiku luluh lantak
mengiringi dukaku yang kehilangan dirimu
sungguh ku tak mampu
tuk meredam kepedihan hatiku
untuk merelakan kepergianmu

tentang sebuah rasa

menunggu itu sangat menyakitkan , tidak mengenakkan

tapi tak selamanya menunggu seperti itu

hanya perlu kesabaran sejenak untuk menunggu

karena menunggu adalah awal dari adanya sebuah harapan

harapan yang akan kita gantungkan

untuk mengetahui sebuah jawaban yang pasti :)

Hanya Memandang

yang bisa ku hanya memandang
mengagumi indahnya hadirmu
tak bisa ku mengungkapkan
betapa dalam rasa yang kurasakan
Tuhan ku sungguh bahagia bila ku bersamanya
tak mengapa ku tak bisa ungkapkan cinta di hati
yang ku harap kau mengerti arti perhatianku slama ini

taukah kamu bahwa diriku sungguh-sungguh sayang padamu..
taukah kamu betapa dalam rasa rinduku pada dirimu..
yang bisa ku , hanya memandang..

3 pictures that PEPPY catch on High School

thanks to Peppy for capture this for me
a nice memories with friend
even just few of mine
love they , yeah ~

The Way I Loved You

Everything cool
it's gonna be okay
and I know , maybe I'll leave and
laugh about it someday
but not today , no
cause I don't feel so good
I'm tagled up inside
My heart is on my sleeve
tomorrow is a mistery tn me

And it might be wonderful
it might be magical
it might be everything I've waited for
a miracle , but even if I fall in love again
with someone else
it could never be the way
I loved you

Letting you go is making me feel so cold
and I've been trying to make believe it doesn't hurt
but that makes it worse
see I'm wreck inside
my toung is tied and
my whole body feel so weak
the future maybe all I reall need

Like a first love , the only one and only true love
wasn't it written all over my face
I loved you like you loved me
like something that can never be replaced

how if ..

time past so fast
cann't come back to time in the past
even use the time machine
I want spend my time so slowly
enjoy everything happen to my life
even it hurt or maybe it's a nice memories
but in other side , I want the time past quickly
want to graduate soon ! But it just remember me that I must go

let's imagine now
what if I make that 30 days in a good situation ?
can I go with a good heart too ?
what if I make that 30 days in bad situation ?
maybe it will be easy to me , seems very easy to say goodbye .
But , is it what I want ?
It just 'what if'
just an ugly think in my head
sorry , I cann't stop counting and imagine . Huhuu

M A T I R A S A

ini titik jenuhku pada semua perasaan
rasa menyerahku kepada semua yang terjadi
aku tak lagi meminta banyak seperti dulu
melupakan semua harapan dan keinginan dalam hati
inginku mengacuhkan perasaan ini
menghindari pertemuan yang sejatinya aku inginkan
mungkin aku akan tunduk pada sang waktu
menyerahkan semua padanya tanpa menuntut apapun
aku tak pernah tahu akan diapakan hati ini olehnya
apakah sebuah sinar ataukah percik hitam yang akan dia berikan
entahlah , aku menyerahkan semua ini padanya
aku lelah harus terus menunggu
aku sudah kenyang oleh semua rasa sakit
cukup terbuang waktuku untuk menangisi itu semua
mungkin pergi pun juga tidak berpengaruh apa-apa
aku tau aku tak akan bisa menahan air mata
aku harus mengumpulkan segenap rasa untuk menguatkan hati
yang kulakukan hanya menghindari , supaya perasaan ini tak terlalu lagi
agar sakit ini bisa tertutup dgn senyuman manis
di puncak perasaan ini akirnya aku tahu apa yg aku mau .. mati rasa sajalah aku ..

say to my own self , I'm not cruel !

avoid everything about , I will !
I know I can , just must find the right way to doing this
seems I get started can handle all this week
avoid you , avoid this feeling . Just runaway ..
yeah , maybe I just met once time this week
is that prove that my way get success ?
just happy with your friend , don't thinking about me
talking to my self that I'm not cruel
is that the right way ?

I feel lost and I want home

when I think I don't have any place to running out
I remember that I still have home
a place which always open for me in everything happened
just want get home , now

on my way to avoid

I need relaxing
not thinking about all
all that happened in my life
just feel tired and get bored
who can understand me ?
who can understand that I need someone to talk to ?
runaway , just runaway
effort to avoid all
effost to ignore the reason which can make me feel alone
say to my own mind that I'm not alone here
couldn't stay away but must !

a pair of

this my best capture
hope that step come to me
no problem , even
just one of his million steps

Get Remembered c:

the most unforgeting person to me was you..
the one who teach me how to loving person
the one who gave many lesson and positive side
the one which can be anything for me
and the one who I cann't touch but he always get place in this heart..

I miss you , Farrendi Avin Putra
and it's always been you that I miss since you gone but it unspeakable
even I don't say , you know I never forget you..
Will you visit me ?
Miss the way you make me calm with every hug and speak up about problems

hey Mr. Silent, you know so far I'm doing well..
But I think it's more well when you're beside me
I know it's impossible , I need you here..
Waiting you come here
and remember that you always have part in this heart . ALWAYS !
No one can change the way I feel and the way I love you..

I'm sleepy :z

in my class , sitting in my favorite chair near the window
the sun shining so brightly outside and the air so fresh
make me warm and cool
today the first day I get lesson after 4 days in holiday
every get lesson I feel so sleepy , like now
yeah , I always get sleep in class
don't care with the situation inside
it's easy to me to sleep and I don't know why ..
C'mon Sis , you're in third grade of vocational high
please be serious !

sitting around here

here I'm
at KCF coffee Sarinah Malang
in the center of my town , Malang
with Eureka Friends
Agus , Musili , Bonar , Peppy , and Zein
we are in the second floor
looking outside
the street is so busy
looking outside and you can see "Alun-alun Malang"
church in front of it
gramedia in front of KFC and other

this is my town
was born here and until now live in here
I'm 18 years old
and a few month later I will leave all in this town
gonna miss it so much guys
I will enjoy here
hope I can enjoy in Yogya next
I'm sure I will back to Malang
and see it all again ..
proud of my town , MALANG :D

unspeakable

for bee ..

good night bee , how's your day ?
I miss you , your handphone still in me
wohoooo cann't contact you :c

pake bahasa indonesia aja ya , biar enak
postingnya gapake mikir ini bahasa inggrisnya apa , hehe
mungkin kamu gak pernah buka blog ku
eh bentar-bentar , pernah nggak kamu buka blogku ?
aduh malu aku ntar kalo kamu pernah buka
this site full of you , uhh *blushing*

unspeakable , yeah
aku mungkin (masih) nggak ngomongin ini sama kamu
rasanya gimana gitu kalo mau ngomong
kalo rang jawa sih bilangnya "nelongso"
apa ya bahasa indoesianya ? kasian mngkin ..

inget waktu kita lagi perjalanan ke dome
kamu tanya sesuatu yg buat aku bingung ?
"mee , gimana rasanya kalo kamu ketemu smaa temen TK mu"
awalnya aku bigung , kok tiba2 banget kamu tanya kayak gitu
pasti ada apa2 ini kalo kamu tanya gini .
pake gamau cerita lagi awalnya , ngeselin banget jadi orang
tapi aku sayang *alah*

trus waktu pulang akhirnya kamu cerita
"gimana besok2 kalo kita ketemu , apa bakalan kayak yg kamu bilang"
ternyata ini toh yg kamu pikirin
aku aja gak sampai mkir kayak gitu bee , maaf
tapi kamu ternyata udah mikirin gimana jadinya nanti kalo kita pisah
jujur aku masih gamau pisah sama kamu. tapi harus
fiuh

aku balik tanya ke kamu, emang kamu maunya kita pisahnya gimana
aku sedih hey waktu kamu bilang "setiap orang juga pasti gak pengen pisah"
aku gak bisa ngomong apa2 waktu itu
bener2 aget sama jawaban kamu bee
dan waktu itu aku cuma pengen peluk kamu
lebih erat lagi ..
maafin aku , aku gamau pisah . tapi aku emang harus pergi
makasih buat kamu yang udah berbesar hati dan gak egois
ngebiarin aku pergi karena aku punya cita ..
aku yakin kamu syaang sama aku bee , makasih :)

kita pikirin itu nanti , yang aku tau sekarang
kamu ada disamping aku dan kamu punyaku
begitu pulsa sebaliknya ..

am I cruel ?

I don't want think about it now
I don't want you to know
if the time come and I feel ready to say it
I will say it to you
but not now , I cann't
am I cruel ?
I just want enjoy all the time with you
never think that I will leave as soon as possible
this is not my plan
but I must go
this is out of my plan
but I leave early
I'm sorry , I will tell it to you

soon !

strange :s

post this in my bf school
feel strange
everybody look at me
or it just my feel ?
*lol

first , I just joke said that I wanted to accompany him practicing breakdance
then he came to my house and picked me up
and now , here I am
at SMAN 2 Malang
he practiceand me ?
just browsing . hehe

miss the moment follow him to his school like this
in a few month again , I will leave
leave all this usualysm
uhh , leave this my town too

freeze

your love, your body

cann't be mine forever
but I will freezing you in photo

hey , welcome march

today , second day in march

many words that I cann't say

february was left , and I don't want remember that month anymore

so many pain , hurt , cried , it's about love and freindship

feel so dark , and I cann't find the light

because my light was gone , and I couldn't find it

february full of lied , yes of course !

the guy who I loved was lied to me ..

but I still love him , with all hurt , pain and love

thankyou february , you teach me very well

so many things I can learn in that month

and welcome march

I want a new hope , a new life better than february

final exam more closer and I must prepare everything

wanna leave this town soon

but I feel so confused

sorry , it's a terrible feel

this post is so complicated

I'm sorry reader

I'm so messy

march , please be nice to me

to all people that I love

I want happiness in this month

and all people around me feel it too

thanks God , you still believe me to send me beside him

until now and I hope long last :)

and Thankyou for you bee , more than one year you beside me

you !

it always been you

sang waktu

aku membenci sang waktu

yang terkadang tetap akan berlalu

tanpa memperdulikan apapun yang aku rasakan

dan tidak mengerti apa yang sedang aku rasakan

tapi aku juga menyukai sang waktu

dia membuatku bisa melupakan semua sakit yang aku rasakan

mengubahnya menjadi sebuah pelajaran yang berharga

menjadikanku lebih dewasa dan siap untuk menghadapi hari esok

semua karena sang waktu

aku dapat merasakan hal-hal yang menyenangkan

aku bisa merasakan semua kesakitan

terimaksih sang waktu

karenamu masih memberikan ku kesempatan untuk merasakan indahnya dunia

I'm messy :c

pain . hurt . crush .

and now I know

to loving someone must ready to feel that

sometimes someone you love isn't lovet you

like you love him

isn't need you like you need him

isn't want you like you want him

but remember

Love comes to those who still hope after disappointment,

who still believe after betrayal,

and who still love after they've been hurt

believing

believing , you

dag dig dug

the day before yerterday
12 Februari 2011
I went to UMM Dome with all my friends
watched Cresta 14
the guestar was Tipe-x

I wear black and white dress
with blazer and black stocking
I never wear a girly thing
but yesterday I like my style very much :)

met many friens
from my school or from other school
I also came with my biyfriends anyway
he met his friends too
and also friends who like him

dag dig dug
that was the sound of my heart
I wany see her face
OK , I little bit feel small
she's cute , a pretty one
different with my
I'm not girly
I worried if my bf like her
uhhh

L I G H T

Thanks for brought it to me
give the light for my darkness
when everything seem hard
you make it easy
thanks you , my friends

9 Februari 2011

I don't know I want post what
speechless :x
Try out english was done
and now I do nothing in my class
no lesson , just on in facebook and twitter
haha , oke this is a liltte bit promotion
follow my twitter @siselmo
and also add my facebook Sisca Siselmo
:p

hey reader , I don't know you anyway
but thanks for read my blog
maybe you have a blog too
let e know what .
sumbit your blog on my chat wall
I will visit your blog and read it .
promise :)

thanks all
*smooch*

I really want go home

I want my home
I never want go home like now
some reason make me feel comfort here
and an important reason is you
you make me feel alone
you make me feel I don't have any reason here
you make everything "PERCUMA"
I think

sorry , I feel disapoointed yesterday
you busy with your game
I don't like it

I don't want this senior high past away

I'm a student of vocational high school 4 in Malang
one of famoust vocational high school , people said it
*butIdontbelieveityet
most people call my school Grafika

I love to be senior high student
many storiest made from here
about friendship and love
about study and competition
about school and play
about other things that I cann't tell

3 years I have been here
so many things that I can forget
every laugh , every tears , and every things that happened there
but I feel senior high past very fast
and I don't want it past away ..

I want ISI so much , but I will let it go :)

I love art , drawing , music , theater
even I cann't do all of it
I just like drawing , feel the music , and enjoy watching theater
those the reason why I want to ISI
one of institute of art in Yogjakarta
want to take DKV because I love art
the most is I like to manipulate photo

but , I seems like I must throw this away
I will let it go
ISI not my destiny anymore
I love you b , really love you
I can choice one of university in Malang
even I want ISI , it's not a big deal
if I can get many times to be with you :)

thanks to crooz !

thanks alot o Crooz Store Malang for help me
I use crooz store for my "Uji Kompetensi Kejuruan"
and this is my design for CD cover
but I felt disappointedthe colors in printed was not same with the design ..

this the design :


SORRY , I FORGET TO MOVE THE PICT OF PRINTOUT FROM FLASHDISK TO MY LAPTOP
ergh ! it will post soon guys ..

school SUCK !

BIG NO for this shit
BIG NO for this school
and this is rhe final regret I'm in !

I will give you some advices
if you want to take Vocational High School after you graduate in Junior High
you must think more
don't just once time , maybe you must think about it 10 or 100 times .

first time you come in , maybe you have fun in it
just in first level of Vocatinal High School
and in the second grade you begin to be under pressure
because in this grade you will practice what about you learned in first grade and second grade
some of Vocational High School has it decision for practice in industries
in my school , I must work in an industries 1 year . full
in other school they has various time
start between 3 month until 6 month
I think my school is ugly in this part

and the pressure again happen in last grade or in third grade
you just have about 2 month to be ready for "UJIAN KOMPETENSI"
and this even happen with "UJIAN PRAKTEK"
IN THE SAME TIME !
what the hell it doing !!

it very suck I think
I cann't thinking about 2 examination in the same time
what about you ?
what do you feel if you are in my school ?
PLEASE HELP ME :(

grafika is a mistake

pikir 2x jika kalian ingin masuk sekolah ini
siapkan mental yang kuat untuk menghadapi semua tekanan yang diberikan
persiapkan apa yang terbaik yang dapat kalian lakukan

penyesalan pertama datang saat kelas XI
penyesalan ke dua datang saatkelas XII
dan penyesalan yang sebesar2nya dirasakan saat akan menghadapi ujian nasional
ujian prekatek juga , SHIT !

tired

did you know I've have been waiting for your message
ok , we meets almost everyday
but I just want to know news from you
just one message
but you seems don't care
what's your effort to text me ?
no , I cann't see it .

until I text you first yesterday
you said you will buy pulse tomorrow
but now ?
still , you didn't buy
you leave me easily
the situation get worst
and I fucking hate it , you know !

you said you went home
but ?
where are you ?
why you tell a lie ?
oh B , thanks for it !
and until now you didn't send me a text
great ..

hey you , thanks

again and again , this post is for you
the one that make me in love everyday
the one that I adore
the one that make my life so colourfull
(copy from mocca's song , haha)

thanks for everythings you give to me
every responds you show even not all you show it
it show how you love now
and how much it is

thanks for every time you beside me
together with me
THANKS FOR BEING A GREAT PART OF MY LIFE
love you so , B :)

look they're expression !

hey , look at the expression
they're cute , aren't they ?
nice one that I can take those pict ..
They're my little brother

hello cute , flowers and leafes .

Everything that's realistic has some sort of ugliness in it. Even a flower is ugly when it wilts, a bird when it seeks its prey, the ocean when it becomes violent.
by Sharon Tate

stay together fellas

if you dont have friends
you are a very unlucky person in the worlds

I love my friends , all of them
even they hate me
I don't want hate them back
Thanks God you gives me so many amazed friends like them :)

that's what happen on December 30 , 2010

December , 30 . that was my birthday
and in 2010 that was my 18 years old
Thanks to Allah for gives me time to breath more
Thanks to Allah for give me more chance to repair my self
Thanks to Allah for gives me one year again to fell happy and together with my friends
Thanks Allah , thanks for everythings You gives to me :)

at 00.00 WIB there was one person called to my phone ..
who was that ? he was my brother . he said "happy birthday"
haha , yes . he was the first !
and many more of my friends said that too after it
thanks all , thanks for it . you always remember my birthday :D

my planned on 30 December were to Malang then Batu to visit Jawa Timur Park with all of my friends who could join with .
OK , I was little bit disappointed some of hey couldn't join
uhh , pleas next time we can play together fellas !
me , nanodh , fifi , emski , sity , bobby , brojol and margono .
aryak and bor waited in Malang .
at 9.45 am we went to Batu

I can tell you reader what happened in there .
that was so crowded but we still have fun !
not just because I together with all my friends but also with my special one , you <3
at 4 pm we went home , and visited Assalamualaikum Lesehan to ate .
OMG , I forgot my ID card . it leaved on Jatim Park information's room .
until now , I dont't take it yet .
huhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

but , thanks so for the great birthday .
thanks fellas for join with me
ot was funny :D
I hope next time we can go to anywhere else together
love you all , love you Brian :)

thanks for the love thing !

I see a nice light in front of
in everythings I can do
finally
there's one thing that made me happy
YOU CAME BACK
thanks for everythings
and I still love you
Brian Oktri Randra