T.G.D

miss you so , The Good Damn

hey Mom !

Hey MOM !
I'm kinda miss you so
wanna talking to you a lot about teenagers here
haha , yes how they treat me here
they talking about me , in a bad side of course
you know I didn't mean to do that right ?
you're a good listeners mom
so, you will listen my story carefully until the end
you will listen my explanation, will you?

that you ! how about they ?
I don't hate them
I just didn't like how they tell something happen
they just look the caver and the stories from one person
hey , wait ! they don't ask me mom
how can they do that !

I miss you so , I wanna meet you
I want you to hug me and make my feel calm
I forget to text you
I wanna go home
but I know , it just a silly thing
run from a problem
you never teach me to do that

Mom, you're my everything
you can be my friend , my mom , my good listener
you are a special person
I LOVE YOU MOM

sincerely me
your daughter

unspoken thing

that has been a couple months , I want to meet you

Jogja to forget about ~

you can ask me the reason I went to Jogja more soon than my plan , people . yeah , surely I can say that Iwant forget about Malang even I miss it so much . I want forget about person who can makes me happy , in a fake ! I want release this feelings . "dengan semua ke-aku-anku aku melepasmu, bismillah" I have been one week here , want make my own schedule busy until I cann't thinking about him . much talking with my friend , he said that I can forget him , release him but I need more time . much time , maybe . the problem is just TIME !

I know you want release from me . and surely I say that I want release this feeling to you . I want release you too . so , it's fair if I release you and you release me from your life . isn't it ? you can open your heart to the other one and I will happy with my life here without thinking about you anymore :)

I want happ , for a real . you bring the happiness for me in a fake . you want me happy but you didn't happy beside me . how cruel I am ? I want you happy , and me too even we aren't together anymore . like you said . yes I can , it's my roght to be happy without you .

so , goodbye . I will realease you steb by step . I know it's hard for me .maybe went to Jogja like this could help me to make it easier . and I have lot of friend who can help me to not thinking about you anymore . you know I will always love you , love . I just saving you deep in my heart and closing it with other :)

cigarette

apa definisi rokok itu ? selinting tembakau yang dibungkus oleh kertas dan sidumbat oleh gabus dan dibakar kemudian dihisap , apakah begitu ? atau hanya , selinting uang yang ditukarkan dengan tembakau dan akhirnya di uamh itu dibakar menghasilkan asap . definisi rokok menurutku ada pada definisi kedua . ya , itu uang mu yang kau bakar dan hisap dan akhirnya menjadi kepulan asap yang mengganggu orang lain .

apa keuntungan merokok ? ada yang bisa menjelaskan padaku apa saja keuntungannya ? yakinkan aku kalau merokok itu lebih banyak untungnya daripada ruginya . sejauh yang aku tau , aku hanya sering mendengarkan terdapat banyak kerugian setelah orang menjadi pecandu rokok . maaf , mungkin pabrik2 rokok banyak disini sehingga banyak pula orang yang bekerja disana , tapi singkirkan sebentar kenyataan itu . sekarang lebih banyak orang yang beruntung atau orang yang menderita karena rokok ? sekarang pikirkan , kalian akan terkena dampak dari merokok itu , cepat atau lambat . tidak pernahkah kalian berpikir kalian juga membahayakan orang terkena dampak dari rokok kalian , hei sang perokok ? aku tahu kalian pasti tau apa dampak dari merokok dan juga dampak dari perokok pasif . ya , LEBIH BAHAYA MENJADI PEROKOK PASIF DARIPADA PEROKOK ITU SENDIRI . mengertikah kalian bahwa menurut saya merokok itu sangat , SANGAT EGOIS ? perokok tidak pernah berpikir panjang . hanya mau enaknya saja , sorry , that's what I feel .

lalu , darimanakah uang yang kalian dapatkan untuk membeli rokok . uang kalian sendiri ? hai kalian para pelajar , sudah bisakah kalian membeli sebatang rokok dengan uang hasil peluh kalian sendiri ? taukah kalian kalian telah membakar uang yang dihasilkan oleh orang tua kalian dengan membanting tulang ? berpikirlah !

aku memang tidak suka seorang perokok , bukan berarti aku akan menjauhi mereka . aku tidak melarang , tapi hanya mengingatkan . ya , sekali lagi aku memang tidak suka. banyak teman disekitarku adalah pecandu rokok . setiap hari mereka menghabiskan beberapa batang atau mungkin beberapa bungkus rokok . untuk apa semua itu ? untuk BERGAYA kah ? mengikuti trend ? untuk dihargai dan disegani teman karena kalian adalah seorang perokok ? KAMPUNGAN ! kalian hanya akan mempersingkat hidup , hanya akan merusak tubuh , hanya akan membuat orang lain sakit , hanya akan membuat orang lain dan kalian sendiri mengeluh . PIKIRKAN !

aku ingin teman2ku sadar kalau merokok itu todak baik , buat apa merokok ? pikirkan itu lagi . aku hanya ingin orang2 yang aku sayangi sehat , tidak membuang2 uang hanya untuk membeli se-pak barang TIDAK PENTING yang hanya akan merusak tubuh sendiri dn orang lain . meskipun terkadang kalian hanya minta kepada teman .

mungkin banyak yang tidak setuju atau marah membaca tulisan ini , tapi maaf , saya hanya ingin menyampaikan apa yang saya rasakan saat ini . kemuakan saya akan orang2 yang saya sayangi karena mereka mulai mencoba rokok . lebih baik jangan , say mohon ~

h - 2 final exam

#prayforSisca everyone , I got sick :( my body got warm , and I felt so unconfortable with my body . breathing with the only one side of my nose . ugh , it's so bother me now . I have final examination for my Senior High School on monday , and I'm sure if my "hatchi-hatchi" don't come good I cann't concentrate with my test .

please #prayforSisca . I want be health next monday .

I missing something (!)

sometimes you cann't avoid one thing that make you happy , make you in love or make you disappointed , or make you missing to someone who adore . but , do you know that I missing something that make me "miss you" ? I don't know why I can past it . but clearly I say that time help me to missing someone that I adore . people who don't know me very well maybe say that I cruel or something, or maybe they ask me "are you kidding that you didn't miss someone that you adore ? you didn't love him !" no , no . I adore him , and I love him . much . but he ask me to forget this feeling and woppie , I can past one important thing . just need time for it . don't judge me I wouldn't hold on with my feeling for him , I just to too tired . maybe I JUST STOP SHOWING , people :)

he still would be a part of life and love my story , exactly . no one can replace him , no one can be like him . and no one can be him ! he's one , always the one . thanks for the everything you gave to me . and never hurt me , it just this feeling that me feel hurt . just remember , someday I will miss you and you will miss me . but now , I don't want miss you . I still have the same feeling like yesterday by the way . I just learn how I can life with my own self without bother you .

would you tell me do I wrong or false in this part ? maybe you will happy reading this post . you will say that I take a right way to forgetting you .. I know you have someone you like . and you don't want me to bother you . so I let you free , I don't want this feeling guiding you . but , if you have a same feeling don't be so shy to talk to me that you have it and miss me . you know where I'm . and maybe I still have this feeling you , save it for you :) don't be afraid to express something in your heart , if you afraid you must ready to hurt , disappointed and maybe you don't have anything . I always struggle to guide my feeling for you , even I stop showing it just ask me to knowing the truth .

I can't lie yo everyone that I overprotective to you , and now you can compare that I'm not overprotect anymore . you free now . I'm sorry for everything that I did in the past . you will happy without me , and I will happy without you . maybe I will more happy if I can in your side until ? ah , it's a big imagine . we don't know what will happen in tomorrow , people just can predic it . so , just let it flow .

good night love , see you when I feel missing you . sleep tight and have a blessed dream . Love ya :)

it's your right , but don't do that now :(

I know everybody has a right to in love with someone .

I don't have any might to ban that .

yeah , I know that . but , no one can't change what I feel too !

I let you go , step by step , throw this feeling to you to a kingdom far-far away even it can .

and maybe you have a *click to your sister in school like I said before .

it make me jelous but CERTAINLY I cann't ban you of course !

it's you right like I said before , but please .

don't show that you're interest to her in front of me now, 3 times you show her to me this day

it's make me jelous :(

and it show that you start to like her , she interested for you maybe .

but sorry , to say . I know I egoist to you , and I don't mean to do that to you .

do what you wanna do and like her if you have a feeling to her . I cann't ban . do that bee :(

urrrrrrrrrrgh , I don't know what to say .

I don't know again ! It's your right , maybe just do ..

don't think abot me , really ~

who is she ? maybe you know her , yes . her name was B***A

silent didn't mean don't know anything ~

maybe somebody choice to hidden what feel even a part of it can be said with some pressure. I know you don't want to tell me about everything you feel , dear . and if you know , I also hidden somethings that I can tell you too . is it fair ? yes of course , cause everybody has a privacy right ?

but , even I silent but didn't mean I don't know everything that you did. and , may I jelous to you ? I feel that you're started to like you sister in school . yeah , she is at first level of high school on your Senior High . maybe I'm wrong but it just that I feel . I know you sent a messages to her , asked for a pray and apologized about something (maybe you didn't) even you don't know her you said that it's not "afdol" if you didn't sent that message EKSLUSIVE ..

yes , dear . I'm jelous to her . thanks !

M A T I R A S A

ini titik jenuhku pada semua perasaan
rasa menyerahku kepada semua yang terjadi
aku tak lagi meminta banyak seperti dulu
melupakan semua harapan dan keinginan dalam hati
inginku mengacuhkan perasaan ini
menghindari pertemuan yang sejatinya aku inginkan
mungkin aku akan tunduk pada sang waktu
menyerahkan semua padanya tanpa menuntut apapun
aku tak pernah tahu akan diapakan hati ini olehnya
apakah sebuah sinar ataukah percik hitam yang akan dia berikan
entahlah , aku menyerahkan semua ini padanya
aku lelah harus terus menunggu
aku sudah kenyang oleh semua rasa sakit
cukup terbuang waktuku untuk menangisi itu semua
mungkin pergi pun juga tidak berpengaruh apa-apa
aku tau aku tak akan bisa menahan air mata
aku harus mengumpulkan segenap rasa untuk menguatkan hati
yang kulakukan hanya menghindari , supaya perasaan ini tak terlalu lagi
agar sakit ini bisa tertutup dgn senyuman manis
di puncak perasaan ini akirnya aku tahu apa yg aku mau .. mati rasa sajalah aku ..

Get Remembered c:

the most unforgeting person to me was you..
the one who teach me how to loving person
the one who gave many lesson and positive side
the one which can be anything for me
and the one who I cann't touch but he always get place in this heart..

I miss you , Farrendi Avin Putra
and it's always been you that I miss since you gone but it unspeakable
even I don't say , you know I never forget you..
Will you visit me ?
Miss the way you make me calm with every hug and speak up about problems

hey Mr. Silent, you know so far I'm doing well..
But I think it's more well when you're beside me
I know it's impossible , I need you here..
Waiting you come here
and remember that you always have part in this heart . ALWAYS !
No one can change the way I feel and the way I love you..

I'm sleepy :z

in my class , sitting in my favorite chair near the window
the sun shining so brightly outside and the air so fresh
make me warm and cool
today the first day I get lesson after 4 days in holiday
every get lesson I feel so sleepy , like now
yeah , I always get sleep in class
don't care with the situation inside
it's easy to me to sleep and I don't know why ..
C'mon Sis , you're in third grade of vocational high
please be serious !

unspeakable

for bee ..

good night bee , how's your day ?
I miss you , your handphone still in me
wohoooo cann't contact you :c

pake bahasa indonesia aja ya , biar enak
postingnya gapake mikir ini bahasa inggrisnya apa , hehe
mungkin kamu gak pernah buka blog ku
eh bentar-bentar , pernah nggak kamu buka blogku ?
aduh malu aku ntar kalo kamu pernah buka
this site full of you , uhh *blushing*

unspeakable , yeah
aku mungkin (masih) nggak ngomongin ini sama kamu
rasanya gimana gitu kalo mau ngomong
kalo rang jawa sih bilangnya "nelongso"
apa ya bahasa indoesianya ? kasian mngkin ..

inget waktu kita lagi perjalanan ke dome
kamu tanya sesuatu yg buat aku bingung ?
"mee , gimana rasanya kalo kamu ketemu smaa temen TK mu"
awalnya aku bigung , kok tiba2 banget kamu tanya kayak gitu
pasti ada apa2 ini kalo kamu tanya gini .
pake gamau cerita lagi awalnya , ngeselin banget jadi orang
tapi aku sayang *alah*

trus waktu pulang akhirnya kamu cerita
"gimana besok2 kalo kita ketemu , apa bakalan kayak yg kamu bilang"
ternyata ini toh yg kamu pikirin
aku aja gak sampai mkir kayak gitu bee , maaf
tapi kamu ternyata udah mikirin gimana jadinya nanti kalo kita pisah
jujur aku masih gamau pisah sama kamu. tapi harus
fiuh

aku balik tanya ke kamu, emang kamu maunya kita pisahnya gimana
aku sedih hey waktu kamu bilang "setiap orang juga pasti gak pengen pisah"
aku gak bisa ngomong apa2 waktu itu
bener2 aget sama jawaban kamu bee
dan waktu itu aku cuma pengen peluk kamu
lebih erat lagi ..
maafin aku , aku gamau pisah . tapi aku emang harus pergi
makasih buat kamu yang udah berbesar hati dan gak egois
ngebiarin aku pergi karena aku punya cita ..
aku yakin kamu syaang sama aku bee , makasih :)

kita pikirin itu nanti , yang aku tau sekarang
kamu ada disamping aku dan kamu punyaku
begitu pulsa sebaliknya ..

hey , welcome march

today , second day in march

many words that I cann't say

february was left , and I don't want remember that month anymore

so many pain , hurt , cried , it's about love and freindship

feel so dark , and I cann't find the light

because my light was gone , and I couldn't find it

february full of lied , yes of course !

the guy who I loved was lied to me ..

but I still love him , with all hurt , pain and love

thankyou february , you teach me very well

so many things I can learn in that month

and welcome march

I want a new hope , a new life better than february

final exam more closer and I must prepare everything

wanna leave this town soon

but I feel so confused

sorry , it's a terrible feel

this post is so complicated

I'm sorry reader

I'm so messy

march , please be nice to me

to all people that I love

I want happiness in this month

and all people around me feel it too

thanks God , you still believe me to send me beside him

until now and I hope long last :)

and Thankyou for you bee , more than one year you beside me

I'm messy :c

pain . hurt . crush .

and now I know

to loving someone must ready to feel that

sometimes someone you love isn't lovet you

like you love him

isn't need you like you need him

isn't want you like you want him

but remember

Love comes to those who still hope after disappointment,

who still believe after betrayal,

and who still love after they've been hurt

dag dig dug

the day before yerterday
12 Februari 2011
I went to UMM Dome with all my friends
watched Cresta 14
the guestar was Tipe-x

I wear black and white dress
with blazer and black stocking
I never wear a girly thing
but yesterday I like my style very much :)

met many friens
from my school or from other school
I also came with my biyfriends anyway
he met his friends too
and also friends who like him

dag dig dug
that was the sound of my heart
I wany see her face
OK , I little bit feel small
she's cute , a pretty one
different with my
I'm not girly
I worried if my bf like her
uhhh

I really want go home

I want my home
I never want go home like now
some reason make me feel comfort here
and an important reason is you
you make me feel alone
you make me feel I don't have any reason here
you make everything "PERCUMA"
I think

sorry , I feel disapoointed yesterday
you busy with your game
I don't like it

I don't want this senior high past away

I'm a student of vocational high school 4 in Malang
one of famoust vocational high school , people said it
*butIdontbelieveityet
most people call my school Grafika

I love to be senior high student
many storiest made from here
about friendship and love
about study and competition
about school and play
about other things that I cann't tell

3 years I have been here
so many things that I can forget
every laugh , every tears , and every things that happened there
but I feel senior high past very fast
and I don't want it past away ..

school SUCK !

BIG NO for this shit
BIG NO for this school
and this is rhe final regret I'm in !

I will give you some advices
if you want to take Vocational High School after you graduate in Junior High
you must think more
don't just once time , maybe you must think about it 10 or 100 times .

first time you come in , maybe you have fun in it
just in first level of Vocatinal High School
and in the second grade you begin to be under pressure
because in this grade you will practice what about you learned in first grade and second grade
some of Vocational High School has it decision for practice in industries
in my school , I must work in an industries 1 year . full
in other school they has various time
start between 3 month until 6 month
I think my school is ugly in this part

and the pressure again happen in last grade or in third grade
you just have about 2 month to be ready for "UJIAN KOMPETENSI"
and this even happen with "UJIAN PRAKTEK"
IN THE SAME TIME !
what the hell it doing !!

it very suck I think
I cann't thinking about 2 examination in the same time
what about you ?
what do you feel if you are in my school ?
PLEASE HELP ME :(